His to Hold
by Kasumiya
Summary: YAOI! GotenxTrunks. A little OOC but yeah... romantic, a little sappy. They finally get together after lots of mixed signals and misunderstandings. There is drug use, however, which some of you may not like. Angsty towards the later chapters.
1. His to Hold

Author: Kasumiya

Pairings: GotenxTrunks

Warnings: YAOI, sap, OOC

Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ, but if I did…. leaves the threat hanging

His to Hold

For so long, it seems, I have had my mind on you, Trunks. And ever since summer came along bringing along scorching temperatures, I've had my eyes on you, too.

The day dragged on as we fought back and forth under the shade of a large tree. It was nice because it was a break from having the sun in our eyes, though it offered no salvation from the soaring heat. Every once in a while I caught a glimpse of him emerging from the tree's canopy and straight up, illuminated by the harsh sun making him glow like the bronze god I saw him as. Before I knew it I was on the ground and the fight was over.

"Goten, I figured since you were staring right at me you could've countered that one. What happened?"

I glanced at him apologetically for a moment before turning my back to face him and trying desperately to control the blush that covered my cheeks. I nearly screamed when I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders and his head rest on my shoulder. I guess it came out more of an 'eep'. I smiled down at him as sweetly as I could, staring into those beautiful blue eyes when they closed and he spoke.

"Ohh... I'm so hot..." He purred against my shoulder, tightening his grip on me.

I gulped, trying to swallow the lump of panic that rose up in my throat. My face flushed and I felt like I was choking so I stammered out the first response I could think of. It wasn't much of one.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked and almost lost it. his long eyelashes fluttered open and he peered at me with half-lidded eyes.

"It's too hot." He mumbled pressing his warm forehead to my cheek. I practically melted under his warmth. It felt so good to have him pressed up against me like that, his arms around me, his face so close to mine. A light breeze swept by us, eliciting a soft sigh from him and causing his hair to brush against my face. I held my breath.

In a brave move I turned, placing my hands lightly on his chest. I could feel his eyes on me but I looked down at my hands as they moved to slip under his shirt. As soon as I realized what I was doing I had started taking his shirt off. Courage left me as I tossed it aside and I threw my arms around his waist and hid my face in his hair.

I was so worried that I was going to ruin our friendship by telling him how I felt that it sent a shiver down my spine. My breath caught in my throat as he put a hand on the small of my back and whispered my name,

"Goten,"

I struggled to find my voice to reply but the ability seemed lost to me at the moment. My heart swelled in my chest and I struggled to breathe. I was panicked that I was getting into a situation I couldn't handle. Why was Trunks so irresistible today? It was almost like he was _trying_ to seduce me. I looked up into his icy blue eyes and he smiled down at me.

"Do you, uh, think we should take our clothes off and…" He paused.

I stared at him, it took me a moment to realize I needed to stop pressing myself against him or he'd notice my growing arousal. I was unable to speak, still, so I just stared deep into his eyes, waiting for him to say something more or… do something other than just tease, if that's what he was doing.

"Go swimming?"

It was completely out of place in my mind and it took me several seconds to even realize what he was talking about. He'd finished his sentence. We should go for a swim. I smiled and ran my hand through my tangled black hair. I hoped I hadn't just blow our friendship by getting all excited before he'd even finished his sentence.

"It sounds like a plan." I said, regaining my composure a little more now that I knew what was expected of me. Trunks' sleepy smile subsided into his usual grin and my expression mirrored his once I felt like I was out of hot water and things were back to normal. I spoke to soon because Trunks' next move caught me so off guard…

"Goten, can I undress you?" He smiled at me, silently pleading with his eyes.

I wanted to say yes so bad but for some reason I had alarms going off in my head, screaming, 'Don't misunderstand his intentions! He doesn't mean it the way you would! Stop being perverted!!' I just gawked at him. He smiled, a friendly one, and stepped closer to me, leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"Goten, I think there's something you should know by now, and I have to say I can't believe you haven't figured it out before, but I have to tell you how I feel on something."

I was all ears, my hopes up as high as my worries.

"You know I love you but the love I feel for you is nothing short of—"

I felt my heart sink into my stomach and gave in to the disappointment almost instantly. I turned my back to him and took a deep breath. I know I wasn't letting him finish again but it was only obvious what he was going to say, and I really didn't want to hear those words, not from him. With a resigned sigh I cut him off before he could finish.

"I know, Trunks. And I know we'll never be anything other than friends. I know that we have different feelings for another but I never wanted to talk about it because… I was afraid. Afraid it would ruin our friendship."

"But Goten, I—"

"No, it's okay really, Trunks. I understand. After all, we're boys, our parents wouldn't approve, neither would society. It's not right… it's not fair…"

"So you don't love me the way I love you?" Trunks asked, his voice was low and sad. Or maybe I was just misunderstanding again.

I turned to face him again and couldn't stop the words from pouring out of my heart. I didn't want to ruin our friendship but I could no longer keep this secret to myself. He had to know. He was being honest with me, I could at least show him the same consideration.

"Trunks, I love you with all that I am. My heart and soul, my body, my love is all for you. You're the only person I want. I never straight out told you because I knew what you were going to say. The love you feel for me is nothing short of friendship. Nothing more. I'm… nothing more."

My purple haired angel then held open his arms and spoke with a golden tongue the words I had longed to hear for what seemed like an eternity.

"The love I feel for you is nothing short of endless."

He put his hands on my face and they were surprisingly cool and comforting. I looked up at him through tears of joy and maybe a little disbelief, like this was some sort of wonderful dream and reality would soon cruelly rip me from my love's embrace. I smiled up at him, choking back the sobs that threatened to erupt from within me.

"I accept it, I've wanted it for so long. Your heart and soul, your body, all your love and affection. You're offering more than all I've ever wanted and desired since as long as I can remember. You offer me your love? I accept it, and in return is all that I am. You're mine, and I'm yours. You're the only person **I **want."

I hugged him close to me as tight as I possibly could have, still afraid, this all seemed so unreal. Too good to be true. I let out the sobs I could no longer silence and pressed my cheek against his bare chest.

"Shh… Ten-kun, don't cry. Please?" Trunks whispered, petting my hair, rocking back and forth slightly.

"Oh, Trunks! I don't want this to ever end! I don't ever want to wake up and realize I've lost you. This is all too perfect to be real. I'm scared. Please, don't ever leave me!" I marveled at how pathetic I sounded.

"Shh… I'm here with you now. This is real. And I'm not going to leave. Not without you. You don't have to be scared or uncertain about this, koi. I love you."

All my doubts disappeared as soon as he said those words. I'd heard him speak them so many times but this time… they were just for me. He wiped away my tears and forced me to look into his eyes. I saw my reflection. I saw myself in his eyes. I was his, forever if he wanted me.

For a long time we just held each other close. Soon, like the sun on the horizon, the temperature dropped back down. Things were like a dream. No words necessary. Just his arms around me so I know he's still with me. So I know that I'm still his. We stared up at the stars for the longest time before I smiled up at him, feeling my eyelids getting heavy. I slept in his arms, for probably the millionth time…

But this time, I was his to hold.

YAY! END CHAPTER ONE!

Wasn't that cute? Awww…. I know, I know. Massive ooc. But that's okay. And I know I was such a tease with this first chapter that I HAVE to do another one, so guess what! I'm already on it. Expect to see something soon.


	2. It can't hurt to pretend

Author:Kasumiya

Pairings: GotenxTrunks

Warnings: YAOI, drug use.

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ.

**His to hold**

It was such a nice day outside, despite the storm. The world looked perfect with the colors of the rain dampening everything to a grayer shade. I stared at my reflection in a puddle. The ripples distorted my face and it blended together with my orange shirt making a sort of pink. I was rather pale today. I was waiting for him. I've been waiting for him after school every day, apparently some girls who thought they stood a chance had roped him into helping with the upcoming school dance.

"Goten!" I heard him shout from behind me and I spun around to face him.

He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tightly against his chest, kissing my forehead. I could faintly smell smoke on him but I thought nothing of it. He had mentioned working with a smoke mahine for the dance. I didn't beleive him but hiding smoking from me is nothing. He just doesn't want me to get mad, since he thinks I don't know. But I don't want to be mad at him. So I'll let him have this one little secret. It can't hurt to pretend like I don't know.

"Trunks, I thought you'd forgotten I was waiting for you." I joked.

'I could never forget you, Ten-kun.' He smiled down at me and a drop of rain fell from the tip of his hair and landed right between my eyes. I jumped and wiped at my face blindly with my sleeve. I could hear Trunks laughing, but it was a friendly laughter. I blinked and smiled sheepishly at him. Then I realized that it was still raining, and we were both soaking wet. He read my mind, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer to him.

"Let's go home, Chibi."

When we got to Trunks' house, we ran upstairs to his room so fast that his mother had no idea we were home. I mused to myself about the glance I stole of Bulma's hair flying up from 'the draft' in the kitchen. Trunks wrapped his arms around me and fell backwards onto the couch. I laughed at him. "You're getting everything all wet." I stated, and then leaned forward to whisper, "You really should be getting out of those wet clothes." Trunks' eyes narrowed playfully and he grabbed my butt, holding me tightly to his body. I kissed his neck for a breif moment before moving to kiss his perfect mouth. Our lips no sooner met, however, before there came a knock at the door.

"Quit playing grab-ass in there and come eat, brat." Came the voice of his father from the other side.

I blushed a little and lay my head on his chest. Right away after we got together, his father commented on how we'd 'quit obsessing and just opened our 'god-damned' mouths for once'. And although Bulma was still quite oblivious, Vegeta had continued making his odd little comments as if they bothered Trunks. Of course he didn't care what new remark his father would throw at him, he'd dealt with it his whole life. But I was always caught off guard by some of the stuff he said to his own son.

I was convinced that something had gotten to Trunks by the end of the night. He just held me close, wouldn't say much, and spaced out alot of the time. Finally, as we were getting dressed for bed, I questioned him.

"Trunks, is something wrong, koi?" I ran my hand through his purple locks and he smiled sadly, almost as though he felt guilty, and shook his head. I smiled back sympathetically, and kissed his cheek. Then, it seemed, the look in his eyes disappeared and he smiled with all his heart.

"I love you, Chibi."

The next day the rain was even worse. The streets started to flood a little as the result of not getting a break from the downpour. I still found it beautiful, though. The way everyone scurried around, quickly as possible to avoid being caught in the rain proved rather amusing to watch. The old ladies in their plastic bonnets and bright colored rainjackets, shuffling along to the beat of the rain. Gutters overflowed, causing a series of mini-waterfalls from the corners of the rooftops.

I was shaken from my ruse by the thunder rumbling in the distance. It echoed like a low sung battle cry off the side of the school's gym. I gulped, suddenly remembering the last time I sparred with Piccolo. Thunder meant lightening. Perhaps it would be best if I waited inside for Trunks.

"Phew. It's getting bad out there." I said to myself. As I entered the gym I saw quite a few people decorating, an older lady shouting orders, but no Trunks. I went up to a girl that I was semi-aquainted to and asked her if she'd seen Trunks.

"I normally wait outside for him but the weather's getting pretty rough out there." The girl, Sariee, pushed her hair out of her eyes, exposing her cross shaped scar, and smiled sadly at me. "Son, I apologize but I have not seen Trunks here one day since we began. Perhaps you'd better find him and learn what it is that goes on here."

I nodded, and wandered back outside to wait for Trunks. I stood there on the steps, forced to question my earlier decision that 'It can't hurt to pretend like I don't know'. What could Trunks be hiding from me that's worth all this trouble? What is it that he's willing to risk our relationship for? I silently pleaded that it was something forgivable. I was trying so hard to convince myself that it was nothing that I wasn't even sure myself when I heard him call out my name if there was tears on my face. Can't hurt to pretend like it's just the rain.

As he walked closer to me, my chest grew tighter and tighter until he was right in front of me and I just snapped. I closed my eyes and my hand flew out to slap him as hard as I could manage. Unwilling to open my eyes I drew my hand to my chest and hugged myself, turning away from him. I heard him gasp quietly and touch his cheek. He knew that I knew. I blew my chance to pretend like everything was okay. Now I was forced to confront him. I was still silently pleading that this was all just a big misunderstanding and that everything would work out once we talked about it.

"Chibi, I--" He stopped dead in his tracks as I turned to face him. I looked deep into his sky blue eyes and was almost swept away to a time when the sky was blue like his eyes. Away from this dark, damp place that threatened to squeeze my heart into oblivion. But it was that pain in my chest that brought me back to reality as he turned his gaze away from me.

"Trunks, why did you lie to me? What have you been doing that I can't know about?" I shouted over the roar of the rain. Or maybe that was just my heart pounding.

He looked at me with sadness in his eyes. But what was he sad about? Sad that I was upset with him? Sad that I'd found out? Or sad because it **wasn't **something forgivable? I couldn't take the roar of silence. I grabbed his arms and shook him and pleaded with him to just speak. Before I could even finish one sentence I pulled back. He winced when I grabbed him. I looked into those eyes again, my own clouded with confusion.

Still he refused to speak so in search of an answer I grabbed his arm and rolled up the sleeve. He tried to pull his arm away before I could whitness this proof of deception but I saw. I saw all the marks that were remnants of a horrible habit that was easier to die from than to rid yourself of. He started to say something about how he was going to tell me eventually but I just stared at him.

"I... I don't know what to say to you, Trunks. I just... why? Why the fuck would you do this to yourself? How long has this been going on? Why did you hide this from me? You know I would've helped you get past this! Or did you **want** this?" I grabbed his arm again, pausing in my string of questions to look at this... this monstrosity that marred his perfect body. I choked back a sob as all my strength left me. I slowly dropped to my knees, still clinging to his arm.

"Trunks, I love you. Just stop this, for me, please!" I cried, and kissed his arm.

He pulled away from me and looked down at me with dark eyes.

"I can't."

I just want to apologize for throwing Sariee in there but she's such a good 'bearer of bad news' plus when I first created her, before she became my rp char, she went to orange star high school with Trunks and Goten, though she uh... lived with 17. Some of you who've read my stuff when I first started posting here (if any of those people exist, still) might remember that story. I wish I could go back and read them but alas, that computer crashed, too, much like my most recent computer has. Maybe I should look into getting a typewriter.

also, I just wanted to apologize for any typos. My shift buttons on my computer at home don't work, nor does the 'W' button. I have to add in the missing letters and go through and capitalize everything as needed but at least I'm getting something done. I'm proud of this story thus far and I hope you all like it. Please read and review.


	3. I can't

Author : Kasumiya

Pairings: GotenxTrunks

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ.

Warnings: YAOI, drug use, cognative thought and intelligent dialect; Turn away, fffffffffilthy human worm babies, lest I rain some doom upon your filthy doomed heads! (joking! it's 3 am, I can joke can't I? .... yeah, I watch too much ZiM...)

.........i don't own ZiM either....

**His to hold**

He pulled away from me and looked down at me with dark eyes.

"I can't."

I stared up at him incrediously as he stepped away from me. What was he saying? He can't give up this habit? Or he refuses? I was so lost in thought that I couldn't even begin to question him. He rolled down his sleeve and turned to face the building behind us.

"I can't, and I won't, and it's none of your concern to worry." He stated in a steely voice mimicking his father's.

"But Trunks--"

"But nothing! Just drop it. There's nothing you can do. Just--accept it." He shouted, turning to glare down at me, like I needed to see that face to know he was serious. He shook his hair out of his eyes and exhaled sharply. "I need to be alone right now." And with that said, he promptly took off into the sky, leaving me there in the pouring rain, alone. I didn't want to be alone. Why did he? Didn't he want me around?

I got up off the ground and brushed off my knees, turning to walk home. It was a long walk but I had a lot on my mind. As I trudged past Capsule Corp. I could feel his ki inside the house, and unconsciously sped up as I passed the large building and slipped into the forest. All the thoughts had left my head but one. Right now, I was alone. And I didn't like it. Instead of the tightness in my chest earlier when I had been arguing with him, there was this mind-numbing emptyness.

Like a black hole consuming all happiness I had earlier retained and smothering out the memories with this peice of knowledge; I was alone. And it looked like I would be for awhile. The rain no longer proved it's beauty to me, instead blanketing the world with a certain lonliness and desolation. Everyone was inside with their friends and family and the ones that they love, while I stood, trudging through the midst of this downpour of melonchaly.

I marveled at how gothic and dark my thoughts sounded. Like awkwardly written poetry. I scoffed at myself, almost unaware of where I was headed, storming through the woods like the wind itself. Where I came to was not my mother's house but a figure standing tall, soaking up the rain as if nature's awesome power flooded him by doing so. He took away the wind that propelled me to this spot, turning to look down upon me. I saw breifly what my brother admired in him.

"Piccolo, I came to speak with you." I said, while in my head I wondered when I had decided to come here of all places.

He nodded, crossing his arms. His cape whipped in the wind, and his turban was fastened to his belt. I got a clear look at his jade countenance before starting.

"How do you do it? How do you pretend like you're not concerned? How do you pretend like you don't love him so much that you would, and have, died for him? How do you still feign a smile now and then after having your offer of love rejected by my brother? Piccolo, tell me. Doesn't it hurt to pretend like you don't know?"

He scoffed, and pushed his antenna out of his face to give me a serious look. "It hurts more than most people will ever know, kid. Don't let it destroy you."

I smiled bitterly at him. I got the answer I came for. I looked up at him once more to be met with a bitter smile mirroring my own, and I left.

I finally made it home and mother followed me to my room. "Goten, you're home! Is something wrong? I thought you were staying with Trunks." She chirped, pretending to sound concerned. I knew she wasn't. Just pleased that I was home because it meant,

"Yes, something **is** wrong."

I threw a glare over my shoulder at her and shut my door. Sitting down on my bed, I looked at the phone. Feeling lost within myself I abandoned all hope and dialed his number. Bulma answered, and I could see Vegeta glaring in the background. "Oh, Goten! Have you seen Trunks? Do you know what's going on?" I stared at her. What did she mean had I seen him? Wasn't he at home? She bit her lip and looked at me, or rather into the camera, and filled me in.

"He was home earlier, breifly, but left right away with a bag. Did something happen today?"

I sighed. "We had a fight after school, Bulma-san, and he stormed off. That's all I can say, please don't ask me what happened. But... I think you should look for him. I'm going to look now. Goodbye." I caught a glance of the worry written across Bulma's features before I hung up the phone.

Vegeta will find him, I assured myself as I sat in the clearing where Trunks and I would sit. I couldn't bring myself to look for him. To go looking for a fight, I was taught, was never a wise idea.

I wondered how so little words spoken had caused such a big fight. That look he gave me was that to be directed at the most black-hearted of villians, and he looked upon me with such spite for offering my assistance. I just wanted to help. I know what happens to people on interveinous drugs. Cases in the media, and friends who let it tear them down to nothing but a vessel to be pumped full of this black substance... people kill themselves for it, people kill others for it.

Shotguns and needles...

I shook my head. Those words rang out in my mind, seemingly from nowhere. I shrugged it off. I needed to find something to do, something to take my mind off reality. I got up and again began to wander...

Sorry it's so short but the next chapter is in Trunks' POV and I figured if I ended this chapter and started fresh on the next with his account of things instead of throwing it into the middle of Goten's that it would be less confusing.... or something like that. Meh, I'll just make sure I label who's POV it's in. Please review! '


	4. I don't care anymore

Author: Kasumiya

Pairings: GotenxTrunks

Warnings: YAOI, angst, drug use

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ.

His To Hold

Part 4

TRUNKS' POV

"Who does he think he is? He doesn't know what I'm going through!" I shouted to myself over the pouring rain.

I'd found myself a little cave to shelter me from the world, and cloaked my ki. I didn't want anyone to come looking for me. I don't want your remedy, Chibi. I'm so angry. I didn't want to leave him there like that, but I got so mad. Why did he have to find out? Things were fine when he didn't know!

I realized, with an overcoming wave of shame, that all those times we'd sat in each other's arms, enjoying each other's company. I was conscious that the high was what I enjoyed. He didn't have to be there for me to feel the way I felt. He'd always ask if I was okay and I said yes… things were okay for me. I was high and didn't care about anything really. But he was worried about me. Things weren't okay with him.

Shouldn't I be concerned about that? I love Goten with all my heart but it's not bothering me that I made him cry, I made him worry, I left him there by himself. I seriously thought about this for a moment and then came another wave of shame; I honestly couldn't say I was in any hurry to go make sure he was okay. What did this mean?

I looked out into the storm. The dark, luminous clouds rushed by, the wind swirling the pouring rain in every direction at once. The sun light the waters of the ocean with a brilliant red line that shot across the horizon, dividing the two sections of gray as though my Mirai self had sliced the sky in two with his sword. I should feel some sort of pain having hurt the one I love.

I could imagine exactly how he felt right now, the pain in his chest, the hollowness.

But I still felt no concern.

Not even the deep slice of my own sword across the middle of the world.

The next morning I awoke on the cold stone floor of the cave, stiff and uncomfortable. I looked out at the sky again, and this time the wave of shame invaded my lungs. I was choking on the realization as I stared at the beautiful sight of the sunrise after the storm. The purple, gold, and pink of the sun's ascent to heaven didn't stir a single emotion in me. It was beautiful, and I could admit it, but I could not truly behold it's beauty because it meant nothing to me.

I was filled to the brim with fear. I wasn't there for Goten, I left him there alone. I lied to him, and I yelled at him. I shoved him away and glared at him as if he were the most heinous villain for having disrupted my calm with his assault and inquisition. As if all this was his fault when in fact I was the one to blame. And I didn't care. I just wanted to have that calm again.

I just wanted to forget and be calm. To get high.

Not to go check on Chibi. Not to extinguish my parents, or at least my mother's worries. Not to right all the things I'd done. I knew I wasn't concerned about any of that. I just wanted to get high. And I wasn't guilty at all. Sure, I was ashamed to face Goten because I'd just come to question whether I really cared about him, or anything. But not guilty. I didn't care.

I gathered some dry clothes from my bag and took off to a familiar place behind the school.

"No, I still haven't found him, Bulma-san. Gomen… Hai, I'll keep looking. Goodbye…"

I glared at the greasy, unkempt man who stood before me empty-handed. "What do you mean you don't have any? You always have some. Why are you out all of a sudden?" He shrugged, not really concerned with my outburst, and retrieved a cigarette from his pocket. I was infuriated! How could he be so nonchalant? Was he hiding something from me?

"Hey!" He shouted as I shoved him up against the brick wall of the alley, holding him there with one arm and searching his pockets with the other hand. He, in fact, had nothing except some change and his cigarette pack. I snatched this from his breast pocket and glared, shoving him to the ground and walking away with inhuman speed.

"Oh, Trunks… where are you? You're really not concerned with this at all, are you?"

I wandered into an unfamiliar part of town. The buildings were dilapidated and several bordered on condemned. The slums, I mused, all these poor people living day to day on whatever scraps they could find. I smiled politely at an elderly woman, though secretly smiling at the fact that I had absolutely no compassion for her and her worn slippers, and her threadbare shawl. Let her shiver in the cold with wet stockings for all I care.

I glanced down the alleys as I passed them, eventually coming upon one where a man in a faded brown leather coat guestured for me. I walked over to him, feeling a bit less like ripping his head off, like I'd wanted to when the other dealer had proved to be useless. I felt almost relieved when the man offered me what I'd been after.

"I'm fine, just… leave it by the door. Really, mother, just leave! I'm not worried because he's not coming back!"

I found myself, again, in the alley behind the school. I found myself, again, rolling up my sleeve. I found myself, again, ignoring the sharp pain of the needle. I found myself, again, caught up in my 'calm', uncaring about the world. But something was different this time. Something didn't feel right as I felt the drugs spread through my body. It wasn't the same.

I was angry for a moment, wondering if the man had tricked me. Then I panicked. Then I stopped to think for a second. Maybe my body had grown resistant to the foreign substance. Maybe I just needed some more. That last thought sounded about right as I pumped more of my obsession through the needle and into myself as if it was the only thing that could fill the uncaring hole in my heart.

I felt it hit me like being kicked in the back of the head by my father. I slid down the wall so I could sit on the cold, wet pavement and enjoy my calm, but it still wasn't right. This wasn't the same feeling I'd been chasing after. I probably would've taken more but I realized I couldn't feel my body. It was like when I'd taken skeletal relaxers once, and my bones felt like jell-o. But on second thought, it was so much different. My head was so clouded that I wasn't exactly sure what I was trying to think of.

I glanced down at my arm through the haze that had been cast over my vision. The needle stuck out of my arm in a monstrous fashion, a trail of blood rolling down into the palm of my hand. I tried to move my hand to pull the needle out of my arm but I couldn't move. I didn't really want to, but I felt like I should. So I struggled against the heaviness that had settled over both my mind and body and tried to move but to no avail.

I felt myself move, and it took a moment to realize that I still hadn't moved my arm. I'd slid sideways down the wall and now laid on the wet, cold ground in the middle of this alley. I was still lost in the heaviness of the haze that had taken hold of me, but I realized I was alone in this alley, and I realized if it all ended now…

If I died right here in this alley, like this… I still didn't care.

I think I heard myself chuckle as my vision faded to black.

"Trunks?"

A/N: Yay. Wasn't that horrendous? And guess what! I found out someone I care about, my ex, has taken up this habit. By all means I should be upset, should I not? With this knowledge? Should I be mad at him? Should I care? He doesn't. See you soon with the next chapter. I seem to be on a roll. - Kasumiya


	5. Heart Strings

Author: Kasumiya

Pairings: GotenxTrunks

Warnings: YAOI, angst, drug use

Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ.

His To Hold

Part 5

GOTEN'S POV

"Trunks?" I felt a chill run down my spine. As if someone were calling out to my in a whispered voice. I felt an unfaltering urgency squeezing the breath out of my chest. In a panic, I struggled to breathe. Something was wrong. Something was horribly wrong and I had to find out what. I grabbed my jacket off the back of my chair and bolted for the door.

I ran past my mother in a flash too fast for her to see, but she stopped what she was doing, aware that I had left. I wonder if she sensed my urgency. I took to the sky, unaware of where I was headed. There was this thread sewn into my heart, pulling me in some unknown direction. I just felt like there was somewhere I **really** needed to be.

I was so panicked, so confused. Why was I filled with this sense of urgency? As I flew past the school, I got my answer. His ki was weak, but purposely projected as if he was screaming for someone to find him. The sense of urgency gave way to dread as I landed in the alley behind the gymnasium. Trunks lay there on the ground, needle hanging out of his arm, taunting me. Dried blood ran down his arm and pooled in his hand. His eyes were wide, and even though I was very concerned, I did stop to muse that they looked similar to a dead fish. Dead?

I knelt down beside him and removed the tourniquet from his arm, watching the color slowly seep back into the unmoving limb. With some hesitation I also withdrew the needle, carefully tossing it far away from us. I gathered Trunks into my arms, holding him tightly. He didn't move, save for his shallow breathing, like he was unconscious. Yet his wide-open eyes bored into my heart, mercilessly tugging on the thread that had drawn me to this spot.

"Trunks?" I said, barely audible. Of course he didn't reply, but for some reason I expected him to. I started screaming his name, as loud as I could manage, trying everything to rouse him from this state. I kissed his forehead and shook him and shouted in his ear and he never stirred. I had no idea what to do. He wasn't waking up and I didn't know exactly what he'd taken or when… I had to get him to the hospital.

I held him close and my ki exploded out of me as I flew out of the alley.

As I paced back and forth in the hallway it didn't even occur to me that Bulma and Vegeta, followed closely by my mother, had rushed up to me, and were asking me questions. They were all talking at once, and I couldn't make out the words. I just wanted Trunks to be okay. I felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest and splatter across Vegeta's frowning face. I ignored them and continued in my pacing. My mother tried to get me to sit, but I pulled away from her touch and locked my gaze on the door. I faintly heard Vegeta's voice. Something about leaving me alone.

I was so anxious and worried that I struggled not to burst into tears. I didn't notice until the door opening roused me from my sleep that I stood in the hallway alone. The doctor started talking and it took me a minute to understand what he was saying. Something regarding whether it was a 'suicide attempt' or not. I immediately dismissed the idea. Apparently the doctor did as well.

"With regular heroin use, tolerance develops. This means the abuser must use more heroin to achieve the same intensity of effect. As you said in the papers we had you fill out, Trunks was relatively new to the drug. I think he accidentally overdosed in an attempt to achieve the high he had before his body grew tolerant." He explained, checking a few papers on his clipboard and gesturing towards the door with his pen. I had absolutely no idea what he was getting at.

I had no idea what to expect. I didn't know anything about this sort of stuff. I'm not the doctor, he is! "Look, doctor… whatever your name is… get to the point. What's going to happen to him?" The doctor averted his eyes when I stared at him. Finally he cleared his throat. "You can go in and see him. He's not regained consciousness yet. We're not sure if he will. In most cases of heroin induced comas there's substantial brain damage. We're running some more tests in the morning."

I squeezed past him and hurried to Trunks' side. He looked so far away in that bed, with the I.V. in his arm, attached to all sorts of monitors. He had a blood pressure cuff set to take it's measurements every fifteen minutes. The heart monitor was clipped to his index finger, beeping methodically. He looked so much more fragile now than he had in that alley with his eyes staring right through me.

I heard the door shut and I saw the doctor had set a chair beside me. I sat down and clasped his hand in mine, letting the tears roll down my cheek, falling onto the crisp white sheets. His hair was sprawled across the pillows, several strands sticking to his sweat-drenched face. His face looked so thin and colorless. Like, if I touched it, it would crumble to dust. I wished it was me.

I wish it was me lying there in that bed. I'd gladly die for you. Please, just be okay and I'll take all your pain and suffering away, okay? Trunks? Wake up! Please just wake up!

I didn't notice until the strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me close that Vegeta had come in the room. He was telling me to shut up, and I hadn't realized until then that I had been screaming. He looked uncomfortable, but pulled me into a hug, caressing my back, and in his nicest voice telling me to shut up. I couldn't silence my sobs, even though I was embarrassed to cry in front of him and I felt weaker than Trunks looked. But soon enough I forced my tears to subside and the others arrived.

They all sat in various borrowed chairs from the rest of the hospital, looking concerned, discussing things in hushed whispers as if I couldn't hear them. Only Vegeta remained silent, his eyes flickering back and forth between all the people in the room. Gohan was there, beside me, but his mind was somewhere else. Maybe he's talking to Piccolo. They have lots of telepathic conversations since Gohan seldom goes to see him.

I sighed. An older woman, the nurse, came in a few hours later and asked everyone to leave. When I refused, it was explained to her that nothing would make me move. Vegeta eyed me as he walked out the door, as if he was expecting me to start screaming and crying again as soon as he left. The nurse brought in some thin blankets for me and left me to my thoughts. I sighed and looked down at Trunks. His face had relaxed a little and he didn't look so fragile.

I rested my head on the pillow nest to him, not minding how uncomfortable it was sitting in the folding chair. "Trunks," I whispered to him. "Wake up, koi." I said it calmly, as if trying to rouse him from an everyday sleep. As if it were ten minutes 'til school and we were just waking up after a long night in each other's arms. "Tru-chan, you have to get up now." I said, brushing his hair out of his face. I jerked back as his eyelids fluttered open and his eyes flickered across the room in the perfect picture of confused panic. I stared as he sat up.

"Trunks, you're—" But my obvious statement was struck down when he fell back to the mattress. I stared in horror as his body convulsed, and the beeping of the heart monitor cried out frantically. His squirming yanked the I.V. out of his arm and a trickle of blood rolled down his arm. I started screaming again, and felt hands on me again, and a flash of people hurrying into the room and suddenly I was in the hall alone and the door was slammed behind me.

I leaned my back against the cold door and struggled to breathe. That thread was threatening to tear my heart from my chest.

A/N: I should have something out by tomorrow. Hope you guys like this. Or the only one of you that's interested. Redfox13, the next chapters for you. Thanks for reviewing.


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